February 2011
1 post
How am I supposed to sort out my life when I can’t even get to grips with fake eyelashes?
Riddle me this.
January 2011
3 posts
If I have Swine Flu..
I will seriously not be impressed.
I don’t want to sprout a pig’s tail and ears either, or a snout. I don’t want to snort whenever I try and talk. I certainly don’t want to have to go into the woods and root around for ‘truffles’ (confusingly, not real chocolate truffles, some other kind of truffle that is actually a mushroom? i give up with cooking. it is...
Sleepy McJefferson
Oh I am so sleepy and tired.
And I am in bed.
So why am I not asleep?
there is one of life’s unanswered questions, like ‘do cats have knees?’ and ‘whatever actually happened after I drank all that absinthe on my 20th birthday?’
we will never know my friends. we will never know.
What is the point?
Quite literally, what is the point of dieting if the drunk fat me inside is going to make a bacon sandwich at 3am and then my memory is going to make me forget it until now.
My body is conspiring against me in order to make me the ‘World’s Fattest Woman’, and sit in my pyjamas all day watching re-runs of American ‘Wife Swap’
unbelievable how much I would be fine...
December 2010
2 posts
Emma Says...Hi.
So here I am writing a blog. It is my first attempt at it so if i just ramble on for ages feel free to play a little song in your head and occassionally nod to show that you are listening. I will know you aren’t though.
Well, about me. I should probably tell you about myself. for all you know the name Emma could be a cover-up and I could actually be a fat eskimo called Barry.
1. My name...